My life pretty much has the same pattern that keeps on repeating, some details may change, different guys, different levels of alcoholism, but something never changes. I don't change.
So, last night was fun right? I hooked up. I bet you are not suprised. This guy is the kind of dream bachelor most young woman dream of. For me... he was nothing but a band-aid. I'm not proud of that. I feel ashamed that i needed a fucking band-aid for my emotions for someone.
Let me tell you about this guy i dared to have feelings for. Me and him, well. We had a thing for each other. Despite the fact that our lives were completely different. If i had a dream guy, he would be it. But what is the point of dreaming when you never get what you want? Sure, you can always study and work hard, and eventually get where you want to be. But in relationships in year 2017 that shit just doesn't work. I dont know. This is fucked up. I still sometimes look at his pictures and just stare at his perfect face.
The weird part is... i never had sex with him. We just cuddled and talked. Sure sometimes it got so close to fucking but i kept it clean, for once. He always reached for me time after time, but i always were involved with someone else too. We were never alone. Then summer came along, he went back home. I am still here. Waiting. This is the longest time we have gone without talking after we met. But it's okay, i guess. It wasn't meant to be anything. He will be back in the end of summer, but i am sure that he has already found someone else. Why did he mean so much to me? He can't be important to me. Because i need to protect myself. I dont want to get hurt. I played with fire, it's my own fault.
After him, i started looking for new guys to have fun with. That's why i fucked the "dream bachelor". He had asked for a date many times but i always said maybe. But that one night, i texted him in the middle of the night. It took no longer than an hour, and there i was at his apartment flirting and slaying. After talking and cuddling, we fucked. He asked me to stay the night but i noticed the sun rising, and i wanted to go before the light of the day reveals my own darkness. When i was walking home in the dusk of dawn, i thought about him. I thought that i never should have let him in. I always kept my heart and soul closed from visitors, but for him... i handed the key.
With dark love, Gemini.
So, last night was fun right? I hooked up. I bet you are not suprised. This guy is the kind of dream bachelor most young woman dream of. For me... he was nothing but a band-aid. I'm not proud of that. I feel ashamed that i needed a fucking band-aid for my emotions for someone.
Let me tell you about this guy i dared to have feelings for. Me and him, well. We had a thing for each other. Despite the fact that our lives were completely different. If i had a dream guy, he would be it. But what is the point of dreaming when you never get what you want? Sure, you can always study and work hard, and eventually get where you want to be. But in relationships in year 2017 that shit just doesn't work. I dont know. This is fucked up. I still sometimes look at his pictures and just stare at his perfect face.
The weird part is... i never had sex with him. We just cuddled and talked. Sure sometimes it got so close to fucking but i kept it clean, for once. He always reached for me time after time, but i always were involved with someone else too. We were never alone. Then summer came along, he went back home. I am still here. Waiting. This is the longest time we have gone without talking after we met. But it's okay, i guess. It wasn't meant to be anything. He will be back in the end of summer, but i am sure that he has already found someone else. Why did he mean so much to me? He can't be important to me. Because i need to protect myself. I dont want to get hurt. I played with fire, it's my own fault.
After him, i started looking for new guys to have fun with. That's why i fucked the "dream bachelor". He had asked for a date many times but i always said maybe. But that one night, i texted him in the middle of the night. It took no longer than an hour, and there i was at his apartment flirting and slaying. After talking and cuddling, we fucked. He asked me to stay the night but i noticed the sun rising, and i wanted to go before the light of the day reveals my own darkness. When i was walking home in the dusk of dawn, i thought about him. I thought that i never should have let him in. I always kept my heart and soul closed from visitors, but for him... i handed the key.
With dark love, Gemini.
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